*Other than finding a half bottle of vodka behind the cat food this morning.

One of the main reasons I have refused to jump on the Xbox 360 bandwagon is because of the astronomical failure rate the system surfers from. I know that the newer systems are supposedly more reliable and the extended warranty covers the RRoD problem, but it is something I still don’t want to chance. I have heard enough horror stories about MS rejecting a 360 warranty because the problem wasn’t a specific RRoD or people waiting over six weeks to get their unit back to know that I simply don’t want to fuck around with this. I can’t justify investing over $400 (system, games, controller, Live subscription) into something that I am just going to wait on to break.

The real dilemma with a 360, for me at least, is that for better or worse the system has a number of intriguing exclusive titles. Dead Rising, Bio-Shock, Gears, Halo, and Left 4 Dead are all games that I anticipate to play.* On top of that the price is right on a 360 and they look decent on a SDTV (I don’t plan on upgrading to a HDTV anytime soon). While I do like the PS3 and some of the games that the system offers (Warhawk, MSG4, and Little Big Planet), I would never purchase one without an HDTV. The PS3 looks like an absolute abortion on a SDTV.

So here I am at the gaming crossroads. I want a new system because the Wii is no longer passing muster. I don’t have the scratch on hand to purchase a new TV (thus making the PS3 worth owning), but I also refuse to purchase a 360 that in all likelihood will break sooner or later. Luckily for me, Fortuna has finally spun her wheel in my favor.

I acquired a 360 from my cousin last weekend that was “all fucked up or some shit.” The warranty is no longer an option in fixing the system and he said it was mine if I could get it up and running. I felt like a kid at Christmas as he placed the system in my bag. Best case scenario I would have a new 360 with a meager parts investment. Even if I can’t get the system up and running I would still get to rip apart a current generation gaming system, which is still a fairly large win in my book. Unfortunately, I have never cracked the case of any gaming system, ever.

Seeing as I know Jack and shit about fixing a 360 or any other game system (and Jack just left the building), this is the part where I ask for any and all advise, links, tips, blessings, sacrifices, and anything else that might help me on this quest. Post any help you can give me in the comments. I’ll keep the site updated with my progress and lay out the steps and resources I use in attempting to fix the 360. Hopefully others will learn from my mistakes; God speed.

*I know most of these games can be either played on the PC or are coming to the other systems. I don’t care. I typically prefer gaming on a system and the 360 seems to be the most viable option for me at this time.

4

Seeing as my avatar is Mega Man, it would be almost criminal for me not to post something about a little game called MEGA MAN 9! This was announced awhile ago, and GamesRadar got the first look, but in the last couple days more information has emerged about the game. For starters, this game is an actual old-school Mega Man game. From the graphics to the music, as this video demonstrates, Mega Man is back in his true form. A part of me would have liked to see a bit of a graphical update, similar to the GBA game Mega Man and Bass, but another part of me is giddy as a schoolgirl about the classic look. One thing that I believe to be spot on, however, is the music. I am totally ready to get these songs stuck in my head as I mercilessly perish for hours on end through seemingly impossible levels. One massive departure from the original 8 Mega Man games is that the glass ceiling has been shattered. That’s right, Splash Women (as in a robot with a vagina type women) will be a boss. That is what I call progress people!

To make this whole event even sweeter, Capcom announced they will be dropping this gem for 1,000 Wii Points (that’s $10 in a world that makes goddamn sense). Alright, time to bust out the FireNES and fuck up Heat Man’s world with a little bubble power until this puppy is released later in the fall!

Just like your grandparents, and everything else you love for that matter, your iPod will one day die. Last week the Reaper claimed the life of my beloved iPod. I knew that the time was coming. It was a fourth generation click-wheel that was used heavily, everyday for the last three and a half years. In the last month it had been showing the symptoms of a declining device; constant freezes, nonresponsive buttons and such. Nonetheless, I was still taken aback when I turned on the iPod and was greeted with this, the dreaded sad-face iPod icon. I checked the Apple support site, as the sad iPod beckoned me to, and ran through the basic 5Rs or rescuing a downed iPod. They were to no avail. My iPod required servicing.

The problem with servicing the iPod was that it would cost nearly as much as buying a new one. Being the miser that I am, I sleuthed around the internets for an alternative remedy. After awhile I began running into reports from random heroes on blogs and message boards about a possible solution to my dead iPod. I would slam the shit out of my iPod. Just to be clear here, I was going to purposely slam a once $300 electronic device against a hard surface. This might have bothered me more if the iPod was newer or still under warranty, but I figured worst case scenario would be a FUBAR iPod that couldn’t even be serviced. If all worked well I would have a zombie iPod that returned from the dead (unlike all my deceased relatives, so far at least).
Supposedly, the iPod’s hard drive connection becomes loose over time and slamming it down secures the connection. Here are the steps that I took and almost every other site I came across recommends.

1. Find a flat, hard surface (a desk, dresser, table; I’m sure you can figure this out).
2. Find something to soften the impact of slamming the iPod down on the surface (mouse pad, phonebook, pad of paper, t-shirt). The thing here is that you do not want the force of slamming the iPod to dent, chip or crack your iPod or mom’s coffee table.
3. Hold the iPod with the connecting port down. Firmly grasp the iPod and place your thumb on top of the device. Much like when you stab somebody, this will prevent what you are holding to slide through your hands when the force hits.

   

4. Firmly slam the iPod on the covered surface two or three times. If this does not work, try slamming it a little harder.

If this works your iPod should rise from the dead. Where is your God now?

UPDATE: The main FireNES site appears to be in Spanish and not loading. Since my Spanish skills are limited to ordering at Taco Bell and I hate waiting for pages to load; here is an alternative download site (it was the first one that appeared in a Google search).

UPDATE 2: I am not sure how old this add-on is, so don’t get all pissy-pants on me if this is common knowledge.

I awoke last night in an urgent panic. Something wasn’t right. I stumbled to the bathroom and unleashed the full fury on my piss against the porcelain. After a full night of boozing, unlike last time, I made it to the toilet in enough time to be rewarded with dry sheets when I returned to the sack. As I headed back to the bedroom I noticed that something else was afoot. The living room had an alien glow to it. My ninja skills immediately kicked in. After falling over the dining room chair (I was still drunk) I prepared to bust a roundhouse kick to the source of the disturbance. I did a wicked combat role into the living room and crushed the intruder. To my dismay it was only the Wii alerting me to update 3.3.

To the dismay of all Nintendo Wii homebrew/import fans, update 3.3 apparently destroys the homebrew scene, Freeloader, and the Twilight Princess exploit (similar to how alcohol has destroyed my liver). In all seriousness, for the .01% of Wii owners involved with or every plan on getting involved in homebrew or importing games; avoid this update.